Escarro #3

Hoje eu estou com uma super vontade de escrever carta de amor. Mas não consigo. É uma sensação tão doida de que eu não moro em mim. Não consigo fazer coisas que, seriam óbvias de mim. E ao mesmo tempo, não passa em branco. É como se eu tivesse entre o antes e o depois. Com a vontade, mas sem ter o sentido.

Acho que desaprendi a amar. Não vejo mais coisas lindas assim. Não sinto mais o belo do amor, nem o sufocar da paixão. É tudo tão morno, tão sem gosto.

Em contra partida, nada dói. É tudo paz, suavidade, silêncio. É uma sensação terrivelmente maravilhosa. Sou sacudida sem sair do prumo. Estou firme, sem nem saber onde.

Ao mesmo tempo, sinto um vulcão adormecido dentro de mim. Um amor existente. Um amor calado e parado. Um sentimento intacto. Onde a certeza e a dúvida caminham juntas, como se isso fosse realmente possível.

Queria vomitar palavras aos quatro cantos. Declarações de amor. Queria que os olhos brilhassem, que a saudade acelerasse o coração. Mas sinto como se não devesse. Sinto como se tudo que fosse sentido não valesse a pena, não tivesse sentido. Como se nada fosse merecido. Palavras soltas, levadas pelo vento e guardadas no fundo da gaveta.

Não sei ao certo o que procuro. Não sei a hora exata. Nem a palavra certa. Nem mesmo a atitude mais correta. Nem sei se eu realmente procuro alguma coisa dessa. Me sinto sempre em busca de algo que me satisfaça. Algo que preencha um vazio imenso que carrego dentro do peito.

Falei tanto, e não falei o que eu gostaria. Eu te amo, mas desaprendi a te amar.

21 Responses to “Escarro #3”

  1. Greice Says:

    Desaprendeu nada! Isso são pausas qu a gente dá. Acreidto que ninguém desaprende a amar… é meio que universal… não dá pra não amar alguém ou algo… é meio involuntário…

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